* * * Hanging Out With a Bunch of Grad Students * * * Of course, the first thing we'd do is go to the bar The bartender sizes you up and begins mixing a drink: 4 parts ValU Apple Juice, 3 parts Head-Poured Tap Water... She chimes, "Don't forget your UMaine Orono Pen!!" Then we'd start talking about what we were doing. They would say things like: My doctoral thesis: Recording of Relative Vectors of a Curie-Heat-Reflector Astroscope looking at a Massachusetts Driver Real-Time Limiting Factors at least until old Eats-the-Mezcal-Worm-before-Taking-Finals-then-Vomits would walk in. And then we would all say Thou spleeny tardy-gaited varlot and by that time, either one of us would pass out shortly after mumbling I DON'T HAVE ANY IDEA WHERE I AM or we'd end up telling bad jokes like: 30 Reasons Why a Piece of Hardware Is Better Than Beer: