At the movies:
Attention Low Budget Movie Fans!
SEE the TERRIFYING New Feature *** Brain Eating Wedge Rats from the Valley of Fear ***
Featured on a Double Bill with the Blood-Chilling
*** Empire of the Communist Gerbils ***
Guaranteed to Terrify and Amaze!
Introducing this week's page five girl: Patcheree. She's from New Cheingway, Ethiopia. You may have seen her on shows like Baywatch and Beverly Hills 90210. The bubbly, sleek Z-Cup Moptop plans to debug Windows 95.
Spewly World News
The actual Weekly World News