If you've read the Grimm Fairy Tales you know me.  It was I who huffed and
puffed in my hunger for those little slabs of bacon, it was I with my
sharp fangs of notable size and sporting the eyes and furry ears to match,
clad in a horrifying moomoo, who attempted to eat Little Red Riding
Hood.  I was the embodiment of terror for countless cutsey wootsie
forest creatures.  They told me i had to, starved me for weeks before
hand. 

Yes, it was also me who recently went on strike to cut a deal with
the Brothers Grimm to change my fate.  

I'm a good guy... so i get hungry, so i happen to be a bit more ruled by
instinct than some others... i'm not evil.  so i live in a den, i call it
home.  i always get the bum rap in those little kids tales and then they
even take my glory away and water down the tales so the kiddies don't get
scared... c'mon!  if i'm going to have the bad rep, at least gimme some
glory... my image is at stake, how am i supposed to get by in life if i
get pinned as the dummy who let the woodsman capture me...? i want the ol'
blood and guts in the original cuts of the story... and i want a little
more... i've had to deal with this crap for too long, its time i get a
little something for my patience, see?  

I want the girl... yeah, Red.  what if i like her?  she's a hot little
number, can you blame me?  

Hey Red... Gimme your goodies :)

[Adapted from MWRep Production F'98, "Happily Ever After" by Thomas Russel]