eventual blog
dawn's virtual cornucopia of simple harmonic motion


dennis miller makes his "moday night football" debut tonight. abc at 7pm. the 49s vs. the patriots.

The Var'aq Programming Language. "This page is sort of a speculative glance at what a programming language on a Klingon computer system would look like." i don't get it. [via backup brain]

i know sleezy d will get a kick out of this: Songs To Ruin Any Wedding Reception Vol. I. [via fark]

little bit of simpsons trivia. [via fark]

meg once again blogs from the other side of the atlantic in an oddly conincidental way.

stop alien abductions! make your very own thought screen helmet!

just when you thought the web was taking over your life. . . it gets worse. SelectSmart.com will make your decisions for you, from telling you who to vote for for president to what to name your baby. it says i should vote for david mcreynolds, the socialist candidate for prez. it says i should name my son cuthbert and my daughter kahia. it says i should rent arlington heights (i am guessing they mean arlington road). my life now has meaning and direction. [via weblog wannabe]

x-entertainment.com has all sorts of nifty stuff, including old burger king star wars commercials, star wars on sesame street, travel stories, and more.

i respect this name: Rosencrantz & Guildenstern Banknote Corporation. i am tempted to buy the body smells series just to see the looks on people's faces when i use them. [via digital swirlee]

send an e-mail to outer space

click and clack present The CarTalk.com Home Hate Mail Generator!


thanks to meg, i now have a new musical obsession. lamb. this song is incredible. it makes me think of you.

there are no words. just go look. pagan panties. [via fark]

for dani and squared: on-line magnetic poetry.

all my dreams last night read like a stephen king book.

have you hugged your sys admin today? [via weblog wannabe. oops. dandan martins says he told me about this over a month ago. i didn't remember.]

x-files news: gillian anderson has signed on for a ninth season. the article ends with "Indeed, one of this season's episodes (written and directed by Anderson) will begin and end in the bedroom, Carter says. 'We're gonna break all the barriers of what you can do on prime time.' Does that mean Cigarette Smoking Man was involved?" raise your hand if ew.

little switcharoonie happening with the sox. they're now 2 and a half back. ugh.

so i was in the supermarket last night waiting in line, when i noticed the enquirer's cover story. i gotta know. no, i didn't buy it. but it doesn't look like they post the cover stories on the website. hm.

a google search for "who's your froggy" showed up in my referrer logs last night. now, i did post a link to the picture in june. but why oh why is someone seaching for "who's your froggy"? i hope they heard about the picture and were just looking for it. . . cause if not, scary.

coming soon to a boston near you: the seven minute date. [via fark]

this is pretty handy. what's on when. a comprehensive entertainment guide. you can search for all kinds of categories and everything. [via metafilter]

since i haven't posted a place to buy stuff in a while, i give you punk ass gear. they've got some pretty wacky stuff.


just had the weekly chub club weigh-in. i stayed the same as last week. which actually isn't bad considering i have eaten many potato chips, a sausage pepper and onion sandwich, a ice cream sundae, and a pastrami sandwich this week.

to promote the upcoming re-release of the movie, spinal tap has a new song available for download. i didn't actually get a chance to download it yet. the site is swamped.

so i am sitting in the office listening to my mmmmmmmelissa ferrick live cd. *cry* [see yesterday's late night post]

a friend of mine registered thelastdomainnameonearth.org.

just what i was looking for! animated tampon gifs! look in the bottom left-hand corner. da5id says, "I wonder what music they are dancing to. 'Ragtime' maybe?" [via metafilter]

it's fan-made. but damn. that's a fine looking trailer. pay close attention for the braveheart scenes. men in kilts wielding light sabers.

william shatner presents his version of the i am canadian rant. [view the original]

this is pretty damn hip. AfriCam. they've installed web cams all over africa's national parks so you can see animals. oooh! i just saw something! it looked like a hyena! [via mood swings]

there's been this whole bathroom theme thing happening lately. . . so why stop now? presenting CooLoo. [via /usr/bin/girl]

"NASA SkyWatch is a web-based Java application that provides sky watchers worldwide with a picture of when and where the International Space Station, the space shuttle and other spacecraft can be seen with the unaided eye as they pass overhead." [via andrew of the 7.25 all from andrew day fame]

and from the what possesses people to post this stuff on a web page department. . . The Incredible World of Navel Fluff.


it's 11pm. i am home. the concert was sold out. damn.

woo! my wicked cool stuff came today. now i have schoolhouse rock songs in my head. this one to be specific.

this is just too much fun. warp a sissy. [and i know garth brooks is on there. don't you go kicking my butt or anything.]

tonight is the mmmmmmelissa ferrick concert.

apparently, some people are unware of as the .plan turns. go take a look. one stop shopping for all your fingering needs.

haven't posted anything about them in a while. that's because they stink. they are 3 games back.

stephen king's the plant. experiments in publishing on the web. first installment is available for download. as king says, "If you pay, the story rolls. If you don't, the story folds."

speaking of stephen king. . . ihateclowns.com. [it's an It thing.]

datapimp offers a plethora of strange domains for e-mail addresses, including icantfeelmylegs.com, no-more-bullshit.com, getthefuckoutofmyworld.com, jesusisdead-getoverit.com, wherethefuckaremypants.com, and more. [via metafilter]

take the masturbation poll. i actually didn't take it. i just like this site for the background. [via fark]

since so many of my friends have a thing for redheads, i thought i'd offer up the realm of redheads.

so many games to play. . . [via /usr/bin/girl]

and because i haven't picked on dandan martins in a while. . . pro wrestling school. be sure to take a look at the picture gallery.

play stump the duct tape guy. he believes that duct tape can be used to fix anything. if you find something that they can't fix with duct tape, you win fabulous prizes. joy.


last week i found bong water. and now this: willie's hemp soda.

more harry potter news. [via metafilter]

a little something for you: tequila

found this on memepool with the following description: "Smokedot.org: News for Stoners. Stuff that ... uhh ... whatever."

a little britney for you. oh sure. then explain the photo accompanying the story. . . [i love the little "search full coverage" button on the right hand side. . . ]

woo. meeting was good. traveling to and from buffalo in one day was not. since i have much to catch up on in the office, i give you all from andrew day at the eventual blog. that's right - all of the following links were provided by andrew.

the story of the pig farmer. andrew says: "There is this guy in Florida who has a pigfarm where he plays music (country) to the pigs to soothe them. A couple of years ago a Golf course community moved in next to his farm and is now suing him." here's part of an interview with the pig farmer.

andrew says: "This is cool. I think of Chad for this one. and this one. ahh shit the whole page looks cool." when i first looked at it, i thought it was a total recall kind of thing. but it looks like they actually send you on these things. too weird.

speaking of total recall, when i did the search on imdb, i found an entry for total recall 2. says it's in production, to be released in 2001, and directed by jonathan frakes. wacky.

andrew says: "Yet another Cam Site. this one from the Car Talk Guys looking out the office of Dewey Cheetam and Howe. Allows motion and zoom control." hip!

The Story of the Little Mole Who Knew It Was None of His Business. Synopsis: "One day an animal leaves its business on the head of a little mole, and he sets off to find out who the culprit is, learning about the everyday habits of a variety of animals as he does so." ok. i admit it. when andrew first sent this one, i didn't get it. but when i went to the site, i more carefully (more carefully? carefullier?? whatever.) read the synopsis. and then i snarfed.

thanks also to andrew for forwarding the news that bruce campell will not be scully's new partner next year. the role of john doggett will be played by robert patrick of T2 fame.

in other x-files news, the show picked up 6 emmy nominations. but none for gillian anderson or david duchovny. i do not agree with fandom's "we got robbed" thing. the season pretty much sucked. i admit that. in fact, i can't believe first person shooter picked up three. ok, i guess the effects were pretty damn cool. but still.

in even more x-files news, the season 8 premiere doesn't air until november 8. supposedly. i cannot find confirmation on the official site. yucko. good thing i have most of the episodes on tape to get me through the summer. . . i am such a geek.

ok, that's it for now. need to get to work. i would guess that there may be further updates throughout the day as i catch up here.


parents have returned mostly in one piece (they are down a piece of luggage) from their european adventure. unfortunately, i have to travel to buffalo on monday for a business meeting, so there will be no updates. more tuesday!


it is friday afternoon
i have the world's best evening/weekend plans
i am the last person in the office
i am blasting my new susan tedeschi cd
life is good

they're baaaaAAaaaack! after a long hiatus, OKSeriously.com has returned. i have actually had the pleasure of meeting Mr. Green Pants and the OmniVAC 3000. i hear rumors that there will be a new advisor joining soon. . .

god, i wish my phone had a back button. . .

oops. i almost just deleted the whole blog. that was dumb.

so i joined the "chub club" at work. 10 bucks, the person who loses the most weight in 10 weeks gets all the money. this was week 1. i am down a pound. this despite the fact that i ate grease-o-rama for dinner one night and a whole box of cookies this week. weird.

"A candy-box colored satirical comedy of sexual disorientation, BUT I'M A CHEERLEADER chronicles the life of Megan (Natasha Lyonne,) a typical teenager coming of age in anything but a typical fashion." must. see. this. movie. also, take a look at the true directions part of the site. they have helpful hints on licking lesbianism. from the trailer: "real men go in, unload, and pull out." [thanks to kim and andrew for the heads-up on this flick.]

this has disaster written all over it. he's even set up a webpage just for it: askOJ.com.

x-files fisher price people. he's actually got a bunch of different themed sets. [via pop culture junk mail]

"Toilet Trainers will allow a young man to improve his aim when he steps up to the toilet." [via /urs/bin/girl]

it's friday. that means almost the weekend. that means no work. that means get the hell outside!


um, is this really a good name for any product? bong water. it's a highly caffeinated soft drink. bong water? the url is www.drinkbongwater.com, for pete's sake! [via memepool]

greg knauss has started a list of pick up lines that will not impress anybody. so far:
"Yeah, I make seven figures. If, um, you count the pennies."
"Plus, I'm the King of Norway."

big fun toys motto: "shop yourself silly"

it's been a while since i posted a site that made me snarf. . .

i don't really "get" this. maybe i am just not "with it." i assume it's based on the 100 monkeys at 100 typewriters for 100 years thing, but i still don't get it.

the "quotes" in that last one reminded me of this "funny" thing over at the brunching shuttlecocks: the "sarcasterizer".

Last Best Hope For Congress: Jerry Doyle on politics, aliens and Babylon 5.

very silly and fun to play with: steve and steve's dance party

ok, have to be out of the office this morning, so hopefully more updates later. in the meantime. . .the laws of the playground.


um. . . . what?!? i said, what?!?!?

aspects of american society that may be new to you.
The American Obsession with Personal Cleanliness: Most Americans are very conscious of body odors and may seem fanatic about taking showers, brushing their teeth, washing their hair, and using many types of toiletries - such as deodorant, perfume and after-shave lotion - in excess. Most Americans shower, use deodorant, and change clothes daily.
Meeting Americans: When two people are first introduced, there is a ritual greeting. The dialogue is: "How do you do?" "Fine, thank you. How are you?" "Fine, thanks." After the first meeting, a more formal "Good morning," or "Good afternoon," or a less formal "Hello" or "Hi" followed by "How are you?" is customary. The answer is usually "Fine," whether or not you are fine.

you don't know jack game show to air on abc

joel kuester has some incredible lego designs. he even makes lego transformers. it's a car! it's a robot! stop, you're both right!

i knew that harry potter was bad news. . .

hmm. i wonder if steve will buy this?

ok, that was mean. here's a place to buy gifts and gadgets. of course, shipping from the uk may cost a bit. but those beer clocks are damn cool.

ok ok. so i am a slacker today. mmmmmmmmmm bass. and now i have to do some work, so check back later. in the meantime, go look at the archives to keep yourself entertained.


ok will the person who keeps banging around my front stairwell at night and wakes me up please stop? thanks.

sox won last night, putting them a game back. i can't believe they played. it poured all night at my house. i guess it wasn't really raining in boston.

speaking of pouring rain. . . it was really nice. i love the sound of the rain. and then i turned off all the lights, lit a bunch of candles, put on some jazz, and did absolutely nothing. it was great.

speaking of the sound of the rain. . . dibble can you burn me a copy of the thunder tape?

oh right- you came here for links. i almost forgot. damn- the ones i collected yesterday have vanished. i hate it when that happens. . .

speaking of toasters. . . [how's that for a seque?] this guy must be good

speaking of the swiffer. . . i saw a commercial for it last night. it started with a colonel yelling at the soldiers for not having their area clean enough. the soldiers then break into a song and dance number about how they should have used the swiffer. i looked on AdCritic, but they didn't have it. it's very silly. ironic even. . .

i knew i had another star wars site to post. . . six degrees of star wars.

star wars episode ii casting update.

nooooooooOOOOOOOOooooooooo! bruce campbell is the worst actor ever. i do not understand how he gets cast in so many things. i remember when i went to see congo (dont waste your money) he was in the opening scenes. "oh. dear. god." i thought. "this is going to be worse than i thought." luckily, he was killed within the first 10 minutes. i almost cheered.

ooh! i had heard this as a rumor, but it appears to be finalized: angelina jolie will play lara croft in tomb raider.

steve's britney fix for the day: Oops, I Did It Again...And My Breasts Exploded. you can even get a t-shirt with the story printed on it.


note to self: melissa ferrick lyrics and guitar tab. [i am not obsessing]

unusual fortune cookie collection. this is actually pretty amusing. . . i especially like the "experience less wisdom" links. [via gmtPlus9]

after an interesting series against the mets, which included a missed double play that allowed the sox to win, piazza kicking some major ass despite his recent head-on collision with a pitched ball, and baby fits. . . the sox beat the expos and are now 2 games back. however, everett faces certain suspension after saturday's game. head butting the ump? bad idea.

ok, there is some weird shit out there in cyberspace. i'm just saying.

the chopped-off hands of star wars. "The only site on the Internet devoted to all the hands that get chopped off in the Star Wars saga." thank god.

ShattnerRocks.com [via backup brain]

speaking of weird sci-fi type things. . . these guys apparently created a force field.

i promised steve some britney spears info. maybe you should join, steve.


ok, more stuff for steve to spend his money on: wicked cool stuff. i even bought some stuff here. i got this and these.

the brunching shuttlecocks present: Choose Your Own Damn Harry Potter Adventure [thanks to jony for the link!]

the guys in my office are playing golf in the hallways. . .

today is all for dibble day at the eventual blog

dibbles want to create a furby virus: "HackFurby is a Technically-Oriented site devoted to investigating the geek-appeal of the Furby toy. Specifically, the primary goal of HackFurby is to fully document the Furby IR protocol."

dibbles are obsessed with the 80s

8eesTees.com. selling "80's t-shirts (and other items for the 80's child in all of us). . . custom made to your specifications." here are some examples.

cool beans! 80s terms.

now, dibbles already know how to dance. but here are a few sites where the rest of us can learn to dance and learn to swing dance so we can not look stupid at the wedding next year.

dibbles love faerie tales

dibbles are fans of the bobs. here are the bobs singing sam the sham and the pharaohs' li'l red riding hood. [ok, i was actually requested to post that one for the frog. but dibbles really are fans of the bobs, so it still works with the whole theme.]


ok steve. here: light sabers for sale. now stop oogling over the teenager.

go New Hampshire! this is damn impressive considering nevada=vegas where you can get booze 24/7, while new hampshire has. . . new hampshire has. . . um. . . something. . . oh yeah- cheap beer without taxes. i wonder how they come up with these stats. . .


at the risk of causing all sorts of trouble at the 2 scheduled cast parties this week, july 10-16 is the 25th annual national nude recreation week.

this has got to be the best front page ever.

note to self: diana krall lyrics

just sit right back and you'll hear a tale, a tale of a poor, doomed craft
that started out from Gloucester, Mass. and wound up with the shaft.
the mate was a stud with a babe back home, the skipper cute and slick.
six sailors headed out that day for a two hour flick, a two hour flick.

ok. i thought i had some weird friends. but this guy? damn. [via digital swirlee]


from an e-mail about my recent obsession with mmmmelissa ferrick
me: i am still not obsessed.
him: oh, i know. certainly not.
you're not an obsessive person.
i know that cause you write me every day and tell me.

more mmmmmmmelissa ferrick. till you're dead.

"Dum da dum daaa, duh da da! Dum da dum daaa, duh da da daaaa!"

this made me laugh out loud. jason kottke says: "And I've decided to pronounce Nutella as PEE-NUHT-BUH-TUHR and Gnutella as NAHP-STUR. Just thought you might like to gknow." [head to his page for the history leading up to this decision.]

ok, why is this getting so much press? i don't get it. and why are people so angry? i mean, i've only seen the movie once and read the book. um, duh! of course he was a replicant!

ooooooh. an even cooler new house for the dans. it's a big weathervane. imagine the cast parties in this baby. . . [picture everyone doing the motions of the bridge crew as the starship enterprise flies through an asteroid field. . .whoa! whoa!] [via backup brain]

if you happened to see my .plan the other day, this is ryan betts. [photo thanks to tom]

i just realized that a half hour ago when i popped a cd in my computer to play, i never turned on the speakers. a half hour later i realize this. it's going to be one of those days. . . repeat mantra: i heart production week. i heart production week. . .

results of the all star game. once again, the red sox make history: "An error by Nomar Garciaparra set up Steve Finley's RBI single off Mariano Rivera in the bottom of the ninth. Garciaparra, Jeter's replacement, became the first shortstop to make two errors in an All-Star game." gee. great.

i heart production week. i heart production week. i heart production week. . .

the bobs. includes music clips.

go beyond the end of the internet.

lick this. raise your hand if ew. [via evhead]

heather is having car issues. could be worse. you could own one of these.

more pick on microsoft: the future keyboard

found with the caption, "What's this? the tour jacket for the second coming?" [it's a good thing this isn't for sale. or steve might be sporting one the next time we see him. . . bad the dawn]


mmmmmmmelissa ferrick. blue sky night.

my world is floating. since yesterday at noon, i have had:
+ 2 hours of sleep
+ 2 beers
+ 3 shots of espresso

for jony

yes, it's true. i am officially a geek. i went to the comic book store last night and bought this. but that's not all! i paid $50 for a signed copy to benefit the comic book legal defense fund. but that's not all! they only signed 500 copies. i got number 43. aaaaaw yeah.

since we're geeking today at the eventual blog, here is some more news on the lord of the rings movie. pictures of the set: oooo. aaaah. oh.

more fun things to buy: area 51 poster.

*snarf* microsith. darth paperclip: if you close me, i shall reopen larger than you can possibly imagine! [via /usr/bin/girl]

official alice chat robot. oooh. spiffy. and geeky! [via digital swirlee]
"hey alice! how's the weather?"
"Hmm. A normal seventy degrees inside the computer."


more new on britney's upcoming marriage [you know you're interested. ok maybe just steve.]
9 july 2000, 9h47
9 july 2000, 20h00
somebody better get their story straight. . . or make up their mind. one of the two.

a delightful page of photos for a monday morning: butts across america.

we just can't get enough butts today at the eventual blog: create a fart. not only lets you create it, but you can e-mail your fart to a special friend.

could the eventual blog descend any lower this morning? you be the judge: jonny glow. make sure to listen to the theme song. "jonny glow works for me. hallelujah, i can see where to pee!"

and in case nothing on those pages disturbed you, hopefully you will be able to find something here that will: disturbing auctions.

ok enough of that silliness. you have to respect the person who registers a domain name just for the irony.

geek corps [via backup brain]

ok, one more toilet page: the IntiMist. it's heated. it has not one, but 2 self cleaning bidet nozzles! for only $749.95! [via fark]

sometimes i have faith in the human race. but other times. . . argh! prime snippets: "Remember, one of the goals of the homosexual agenda is to lower the age of consent." and "It is our hope and prayers you have ALL knowledge about the homosexual lifestyle that you may make informed evaluations: that you know what it is the homosexual activists are trying to do; that you know what it is they want to do with your kids." [via fark]

oh. i am so heartbroken i do not know what to do. [that was sarcasm in case you missed the tags.]


i don't get it. where's pedro? oh this is silly. other people on the dl are on the roster. i am so confused. and puzzled too.

this should match with peoples moods lately. the burn generator. [via fark]
my entry: "once upon a time there was a pretty girl named cinderella. she met a handsome prince and the fell in love. they lived happily ever after. the end"
my result: "once upon a time there was a incredibly stupid bitch named cinderella. she met a goddamn handsome prince and the fucking fell in hate. them assmonkeys lived happily ever after. the fucking end"

mokey + banana peel = funny

um, what?!?

spank the monkey! they actually have a whole line of these um, toys. [via swallowing tacks]


first page [maybe] of the upcoming harry potter book. the book comes out saturday. borders is staying open friday night till 1 am so you can buy it.

fun and games with stephen and albert: play the ebay the home game!

why why why would anyone buy a monimal? now steve, i know you bought the plasmasaber, but please don't buy one of these. please.

however, you can buy one of these. cause even though it's an action figure, it's pretty cool.

dogstar (kenau reeves' band) plays at axis on saturday


the red sox actually won a couple.

*snarf* "Roberts, who is unemployed, said he timed his streak for the moment the umpire shouted 'new balls please'." [via fark]

now, i admit that i am an x-files geek. but these guys take it to a whole new level. they've filmed their own episode.

thanks to andrew [and mr pants] the one about the racoon with huge testicles. i have not downloaded the commercials, but i did take a look at the characters. wow.

a very special drink: the cowboy cocksucker.

paintball without the pain

Rob's Amazing Poem Generator. it will generate a poem based on a web page. pretty hip. the eventual blog doesn't work too well. apparently, the generator doesn't deal well with tables. but as the .plan turns is pretty funny.


turner classic movies is showing the wizard of oz without commercial interruption tonight at 8. but wait! there's more. . . at 11, they are showing it again without commercial interruption but with the dark side of the moon as the second audio program (sap). i would invite people over, but i don't get tcm. anyone??

the red sox suck! they are now 38 and 39. ugh. and the white sox continue to kick amazing ass, up 10.5 games.

my *snarf* site of the day [in other words, make sure you are not drinking before you look here.] jesus on a pogo stick. [via backup brain]


wohoo! even more getting off of butt happening at the eventual blog. i put up the list of blogs. admit it. you're excited. i knew you would be.

so i finally got off my butt and converted the .weirdweb file of all the sites that appeared in my .plan before i started keeping a blog into a nifty page o' links. you can see it at the pre.eventual blog. [you can also find the link in the archives list at the bottom of the page.] now i need to get off my butt and add the list of blogs to the right side of the page. . .


i am so glad it is a new month. i didn't really like last month's color combo. this is much better.

backup brain +
bluishorange +
cardhouse +
digital swirlee +
eod +
fark +
kottke.org +
megnut +
memepool +
metafilter +
mr. pants +
mood swings +
not so soft +
pop culture junk mail +
strange brew +
swallowing tacks +
/usr/bin/girl +
weblog wannabe +
wetlog +

now +
the eventual archives +

content and design ©dawn m varacchi
[unless otherwise noted]

Last Modified: 08/01/2001 09:39:38

jer is the bestest ever! he helped me make this go.