From jamesjb@CSOS.ORST.EDU...his sick mind, not mine. Used without permission.
In order to spread good cheer and happines, I am going to educate you all in the high art of making atomic devices. While I can't in good conscience tell you how to make a large, dangerous Hydrogen device; I can tell you how to make a device in 40-50 kiloton range similiar to the ones dropped on Hiroshima and Nagaski.
The first step is to get hold of some high grade Uranium 235 or Plutonium 239. While this would of been a problem a few years ago it is now quite simple thanks to the collapse of the Soviet Union. It seems that staying school does little good in Russia, as Nuclear Scientists earn less than a bus driver. This means there are lots of hungry, greedy Russians willing to sell the forementioned items.
The way to buy these ingrediants is to go to a large train station in Germany with several million dollars in tow. Wait around until you see a shady charachter with a Russian accent and a leaden box, aproach him and close the deal. When haggling over the amount, remember the old adage, the more the merrier!
Once you've secured the material, be *very* careful in transporting it. Radiation sickness can cause cramps, vomiting, death, or even premature baldness in severe cases.
Now you're ready to build your bomb. You should proobably build it in a well lit, well ventilated area. As an added precaution you may wish to work in a radiation suit; as well as having a caged animal who you can monitor. If this animal should sicken and die, this is your cue to go seek medical help.
Building your bomb is actually surprisingly simple. First, make a ball of TNT around a charge device. Leave several feet of copper wiring from the charge device leading out of the TNT. Evenly spread the Urainium or Plutonium around the ball of TNT. Now close all windows and doors, and get a bottle of open Rubber Cement. Stick it in your nose and take a deep breath. This has no practical purpose but it's kind of fun.
Now, coat the ball liberally with more TNT. Place charge devices evenly and often around the sphere with copper wires that lead to a timer. Make sure you connect all the copper wires to the timer device, or the bomb will not work.
Now that you've built your device your probably wondering what to do with it. Well, whatever you do make sure to you're *very* far away when it goes off. Also, check state and local ordaninances to make sure you don't need a permit or something lame like that before building or detonating your device.
Enjoy!