No, this really doesn't make any sense right now. But when it is, it just might save your life...

Devilmonkeys...  trainable.  armed with rusty chains, AK-47s, and
occationally flamethrowers.  red glowing eyes...come in "gaggles of
8", typically from Havana.  You can never get devilmonkeys to share,
not even a little.

Lasermonkeys...  trainable.  3 lasermonkeys = 4 devilmonkeys w/ AKs.
One would assume they hibernate, but as they generate their own heat,
this isn't true.  However, they get lazy in the cold, "Remember
D'Nang...never count on a cold lasermonkey".  They can be unpowered,
though doing so takes some effort, typically hitting them with a brick
when they're cold.

Firemonkey...  The red ones have wings, the black ones don't.  Much
better than lasermonkeys if you know you're not going to have
batteries.

Teatmonkeys...  in their GM LoveTeat, they drive around foiling the
evil plans of the OEMs, and in the end the OEMs always end up in a
ditch or a tree with their non-Teat car stuck, adn the Teatmonkeys
drive off laughing while the leader OEM shakes his fist.

OEMs...  Orange Enemy Monkeys...viscious, originally from northern
Maine...interbred with the Quebecois leading to bites which cause
infection.  "OEMs up in Maine blend in this type of year...their
orange is the same color hunters wear, so it's tough to tell 'em from
the locals when you're out in the woods...they get real close that
way"...  The adult OEMs tend to sink in water due to their hidden flak
vests...  they reproduce in hordes of slut females.  Occationally
carry flamethrowers.  Have a piercing scream that may cause one to
have to cover ears.

Nedmonkeys...  "The smaller ones, about the size of a devilmonkey, but
with the reddish-brown fur".  Wear night-vision
goggles...greeny-glowing eyes.

Wedgemonkeys...  killed off a few years ago.  smelled bad.  "easier to
kill because they didn't move fast and migrated in tight groups"

Hellmonkey...  singular, untrainable.  Best avoided if possible.
"Don't fuck with Hellmonkey".  Feasts on human souls, causes strife
and violent destruction wherever he goes.
 
World Monkey...  um, you're going to have to handle this.
 
Blue Monkeys...  Lurk in bad science fiction movies and basements.
Untrainable.  Live to splice DNA and RAN.  Will tend to devour human
flesh when cornered.